the xlog : x-rated weblog

a twisted and humorous look at sex, pornography, and the world in general

April 29, 2008

Afro Caribbean Style

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

Woohoo….Easter’s coming! If you’re like me I know what your favorite part of easter is (other than getting to see Charlton Heston be Moses every year) …the coolest thing about easter is the chocolate bunnies. This movie is filled with chocolate bunnies, and between now and easter, we’ll look at a few of these steamy sweet cream-filled chocolate movies.


These Jamaican jiggaboo jungle-bunnies show us why so many people cum to the Caribbean…butts, boobs, and buds. My problem with this flick is that we all know that in the Caribbean they have these awesome party places, like Club Hedonism with far out and kinky group action where, unlike in this movie, the chicks happily take multiple cocks and multiple loads…why the hell isn’t that happening in this movie? I mean they’re hot enough and all, but unfortunately the movie is not as hot as hot chocolate can be…give me that stuff that scolds the roof of my mouth.

Afro Caribbean Style gets a disappointing two cocks-up, but keep your eyes open cos more chocolate bunnies will cum your way over the next couple weeks.

April 22, 2008

Rio Style

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

Phar-out, phat ass and phunky…a geography lesson inside a porn movie. Every now and then I have wondered, “Just where is the Hershey highway? And how do I get there from here?”…I’d always figured it was in Pennsylvania…some anal retentive Amish town or something, but now I have discovered that it is in Rio.


Like man…maybe it’s all the spicy food…the Montezuma’s revenge…the spicy rings of fire, but dude these chicks take it up the ass, like their ass is swallowing the cock more than their ass is being fucked by the cock.

Four posterior pounded puta scenes from chicks who show that for sluts like them who really like it deep, the door that’s always open is the backdoor. I must say though I found it disappointing that unlike other movies similar to this, even though no question about it, these chicks were sluts, they only did one dude at a time. If I’m gonna be watching some ass-slut chick getting drilled I’d rather go all the way with it and see her getting double drilled multiple times.

Rio Style gets a solid throbbing three cocks-up.

April 15, 2008

Cock tamers

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

Okay this is an awesome movie with a case of a mixed-up title…these sluts do not so much tame cock as get tamed by it like a lioness getting trained by the lion tamer’s whip. These are chicks who love cock and get treated to an abundance of it giving them a chance to demonstrate to us that they are happy to take it in any and every hole and totally dig shooting the splooge.


Five splattertastic scenes of extreme slutty action explode on your screen and your senses, cos these chicks, either on their own or paired up for a dynaslut duo of dick decadence push the limits of hardcore action as well as the limits of their orifices…double mouth fucking, double pussy, double penetration…like double everything dude, if you like seeing slut action at its finest, check this one out.

Cock tamers gets a very untame four cocks-up.

April 8, 2008

Double Midgetation

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

Exsqueeze me, I thought porn was supposed to be hot or a turn-on. Sure, everybody’s got their little kinks and fetishes (if this is a kink it sure is a little one) but this movie makes me think that I’m watching some comedy made by the Wayans family (yknow the Scary movie dudes) when they were all whacked out on some weird shit after spending too many hours playing their gnomes on world of warcraft.


Like sure there’s sex in this, but man it’s hard to believe these are actually real people…sure they’re supposed to be aliens, but it still doesn’t make it sexy. If I wanna watch a movie about alien sex, then count me in to be like Captain Kirk and get to fuck all these big-titted blue skinned exotic looking chicks that stand taller than my knee, not something that looks like it should be a garden gnome in my front yard.

All I know is, after watching this movie, I totally gotta go check out a movie for tomorrow before I’m scarred for life and I will leave you with the words of our modern day sage and bard Randy Newman; “Short people got no reason to live…they got beady little eyes…don’t want no short people…you gotta pick em up just to say hello…they got little voices going squeak squeak…”

Well you get my point, but Double Midgetation doesn’t get any, zero cocks-up.

April 1, 2008

Cum On Baby Bite My Wire 2

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

A flick that totally rules as far as blowjob movies go cos these sluts totally dig swallowing a cock and whatever loads they can get to explode out of it. Personally I dig there to be some real in and out pussy filling action as well as just blowjobs when I’m watching porn, but these babes do give a righteous showing as sluts who love the cock. Okay yeah…the moronic title being a Doors rip-off kinda bites like, if you wanna do something that assinine then make an anal movie and call it Backdoor Man.


A decadent decatant of splooge-splashing slut soaking scenes and in most of these we get two chicks for each lucky throat fucking guy as they demonstrate how much they crave forcefully going down on these fucksticks…like this is not one of those blowjob movies where some asian chick gently licks away and holds her mouth slack and open while it gets fucked without any expression from her. These are chicks that go orally crazy on cock and totally get off on seeing, swallowing or spraying the loads of cum that they unleash from these lucky bastards.

Cum On Baby Bite My Wire 2 doubles its own two with four cocks-up. It would’ve gotten a better score if I’d seen that these chicks loved fucking as much as they loved sucking.

March 25, 2008

Foot Traffic

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 8:24 am

With yesterday’s review of Butt Munchers and today’s review of Foot Traffic I am no longer sure whether the big O in sex-talk refers to the word orgasm or Olfactory. I mean wow, like people totally get off on the smell of sweat…after watching these movies, I bet the reason Kate Hudson bitched about Matthew McConaughey was that he was making her have spontaneous orgasms and totally wetting herself and that must’ve been her problem with his b.o. (which also I now assume stands for big orgasm).


Okay…now I can get how maybe somebody can be all fucked up and just going wild with whatever but I guess this movie is also geared to people who have a stocking fetish…personally I can’t see the taste of nylon getting me off, but whatever. We get three thole thucking thcenes of some cock and cum-crazed nymphos who totally get off on getting their toes sucked and nibbled and are more than happy to return the favor of having their feet fondled fetish catered to with some lust-driven sucking and fucking for the lucky dude who also obviously was getting pumped up from the pungent smell and taste of these babes peds.

Foot Traffic boggles me with the amount of odor-driven orgasms inundating porn but nevertheless gets itself three satisfied cocks-up.

March 17, 2008

Butt Munchers

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 4:46 pm

Watching this movie makes me think that they should make a porn version of Dr Seuss’s classic The Lorax…and yknow you can just totally see Ron Jeremy as The Lorax, short little hairy dude with wild hair and a big walrus mustache…totally sounds like it was written for him. I mean, if someone did a poll to find out how many totally nasty ultra-sluts there were out there I bet there would be enough that we could save a zillion trees by getting rid of the toilet paper industry and just have chicks like this ready and willing to savor some smelly ass whenever needed.


I guess for these nasty nymphos it’s like old school trapper style and the more musk you lay out, the more beaver you get. Six scenes of chicks who totally dig the sweaty smell of ass, whether it’s another chick or a dude, they don’t care, as long as they can get their noses in there for a weighty whiff and a raunchy rimjob.


There are some babes who were put on this planet completely for the purpose of sex and granting pleasure…good casting call on this movie, you found some of these babes. These chicks show scene after scene how much they love fucking and as the heat goes up their lust goes up too and they go crazy on cock (or in some cases even more than one cock) and beg for the taste of ass and cum.

Butt Munchers gets four sweaty cocks-up.

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