the xlog : x-rated weblog

a twisted and humorous look at sex, pornography, and the world in general

February 27, 2007

Swordsman interrupts porn watchers

Filed under: commentary,humor,photos,sex news — Simon @ 9:25 am

porn interrupting swordsmanHeadphones might have kept this from happening (and you may want to pick up a pair before you watch your next porn video). Otherwise, make sure you’re prepared for a neighbor kicking in your front door and demanding, at the point of a weapon, that you show him where the screaming woman is.

Last week a Wisconsin man (shown here) pounded on and then broke down his neighbor’s door because he thought he heard a woman screaming for help. He thrust a cavalry sword at the man inside, demanding to be told where the woman was hidden. The neighbor told police the man became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the man made him open closet doors to prove he was alone.

Actually, the neighbor was just watching a porn movie on his DVD player. He even played for police the part of the DVD he believed the man must have heard. The man, who lives with his mother in a downstairs apartment, said he didn’t call the police because he doesn’t have a phone. He was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct.

– Note to readers: Remember to think about who else can hear the audio from your porn collection, and if you think there could be a problem, either turn it down or get some good headphones (or at least your own sword).

February 20, 2007

Official NYC condoms with subway maps?

Filed under: commentary,photos,sex news — Simon @ 8:26 am

official NYC condomsOn Valentine’s Day the Big Apple revealed its newest sexual pride and joy: the NYC Condom. Each year, to promote safe sex, the NYC Health Department will distribute at least 18 million of the boutique-quality Lifestyles condoms at over 900 locations citywide. Notice we don’t say they’ll sell them, and that’s because they’re giving them away for free.

I think more cities should start doing this. We all know that everyone is in danger from sexually-transmitted diseases, and that condoms helps prevent transmission of these STDs. so I think NYC’s taking a very important step forwards in a time when too many places are still advocating celibacy — like there’s a chance in hell that people are going to just stop fucking.

February 14, 2007

You told them to wash their WHAT with it?

Filed under: commentary,humor,photos,sex news — Simon @ 9:35 am

Sure, we may see some pretty rough stuff in the porn that’s out there today. Gangbangs, double-anals, gagging, bukkake, and a bunch of other things that you might not have seen in porn from the 1940s. But one thing that we don’t do to our women today is suggest that shooting Lysol up their hoo-ha is a damn fine idea.

Check out the little collection of vintage ads linked below to read how this idea was sold to women. They were told thier husbands were going out at night without them because they were neglecting feminine hygiene and that Lysol was both safe and gentle to use as a douche. They were told that using Lysol would help her stay young and healthy. And they were told that “often a wife fails to realize that doubts due to one intimate neglect shut her out from happy married love.”

You can click on the small images below to open larger versions of these ads in a new window.

Lysol Still the GirlLysol Please Dave adLysol Love Quiz

Actually, there is a little more to this story, which you can read by clicking the link below for the full posting on this.

(click to read more…)

February 8, 2007

What’s a pole dancer without a tattoo?

Filed under: commentary,humor,photos,sex news,strippers — Simon @ 10:43 am

iTattoo from Spin MasterHere we have two more items for those parents who bought their kids the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit we mentioned in Strippercize for Kids last year.

First up, from Spin Master, we show you the I-Tattoo.

For a paltry fifteen bucks, you can get this kit which features what they call a “realistic, vibrating tattoo pen” and tells kids from ages 6 and up to “get ready to get inked.”

That’s right, now your pole dancing tyke can look way more authentic than all the other tiny pole dancers who don’t have little [tag]stripper[/tag] tats on them.

Can’t you just see the envy in the other parents’ eyes when they see your ‘lil Ashley gets up to show her stuff?

pussycat girls dollsAlright, if you already got the kid the pole dancer kit and the stripper tattoo kit, here’s something you can use to keep them motivated and practicing their moves.

What we have here is Hasbro’s attempt to knock the Bratz dolls off the top spot. These are their planned Pussycat Dolls. These are aimed at girls 8 and older and feature the Dolls in a variety of their risqué, burlesque-inspired outfits. We’re not sure if they’ll have a version that sings “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me” when you pull their strings, but we can always hope.

February 3, 2007

Porn litter not appreciated

Filed under: commentary,humor,photos,sex news — Simon @ 7:50 am

please dispose of xxx porn properlySome people just can’t resist the lure of free left-over [tag]porn[/tag]. While others would rather sue someone over it.

The organizers of Imagination 69, a failed Belgian sex fair, were sued after thousands of erotic videos and books were left at the event’s site near Geraardsbergen. They’d planned for 30,000 visitors but less than 10,000 showed up, so there were lots of books, magazines, and DVDs left over at the end of the sex fair.

The solution for many vendors was to dump it all in fields outside of Geraardsbergen. Of course the news of this porn dump spread quickly and thousands of horny Belgians swooped in to snatch up the left behind loot. The area took on the name “Pornutopia” on the Internet as stories of free porn for the taking made the rounds of the chatrooms.