the xlog : x-rated weblog

a twisted and humorous look at sex, pornography, and the world in general

December 7, 2007

Sexless Relationship Frustrations

Filed under: sex news — Blogs @ 12:34 am

Did you have sex this month?Are you in a sexless relationship? According to experts, you are if you have sex less than 10 times a year. So what do you do about it? And do you want to do anything about it?

Some couples are happy with the intimacy they share, regardless of if it involves sex. The only time a sexless relationship becomes a problem is if at least one person is unhappy about it.

It’s been my observation that when people find themselves in sexless relationships, they essentially became resigned to their fate. They claim the reason they stay together is for the kids, or for the finances.

At the end of the day, it’s because they fear change. Some people simply live out a sexless existence and others choose to seek sexual fulfillment outside of the union. Both scenarios are emotionally and mentally unhealthy and are going to come to a head at some point.


I believe a toy is a great way to rejuvenate a sexual relationship. It can give her a quick fix between intimacy and it can be an additional tool for her to reach orgasm and feel more satisfied with the sex. It can give him a visually erotic boost and a stronger connection by helping his partner feel more satisfied.

However, minor sexual ruts are one thing. Sexless relationships are something else, and they require more than a battery-operated fix. It’s important to understand the cause of it first.

Is it because of depression, fatigue, resentment or jealousy? Or is one person taking medication that is affecting his or her sex drive? An honest conversation is required to acknowledge the problem. Then, set out to fix out.

Define how often you want to be intimate with each other, and then set goals. Keep it spontaneous, though, because no one likes obligatory sex. Agree on your expectations as to frequency, then discuss what you want. Maybe for her, it’s more foreplay, and for him, it’s more oral stimulation. Then commit to carving out the time and exerting the effort to fulfill your partner.

Open your mind to new ideas and forms of intimacy to make things passionate again. Watching erotic videos of an instructional nature can be a great way to open the door to new ideas and are often more comfortable for people to watch together.

Pick up some erotic literature and read bedtime stories to each other. It doesn’t even have to be critically acclaimed – never underestimate the power of a "Dear Penthouse" letter to get mentally aroused. It doesn’t even have to be erotic as much an educational stimulus to get your creative juices flowing. Anything written by Sadie Alison will do the trick.

Sex is supposed to be the fun part of being an adult. Moreover, regular sex is supposed to be one of the benefits of being in a relationship.

Sex is a natural extension of your relationship, and it is critical to strengthening and maintaining your bond as a couple. It’s the difference between being lovers and roommates.

— by Rachel Dodds, owner and creator of Sexy Girl, a Halifax-based home-party service for women. Check out

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