the xlog : x-rated weblog

You really have to be careful when you’re searching the Internet, or you might find some do-it-yourself instructions that you just have to try. Really, ’cause that’s sort of what happened with Howard Shelly, shown here with a satisfied smirk sometime after castrating himself with a kitchen knife.

Howard found a website which gave him a step-by-step walk-through to the kind of home surgery that most of us wouldn’t ever consider trying, but for Howard, this was just what he needed to see.

Once he had the ‘how-to’ information in hand, Howard waited for his wife to leave for work (and his two children for school we’re assuming here), and then took a kitchen knife with him into the bathroom. There he made the required cuts and then wrapped his detached testicles in a cloth and tossed them away. Afterwards he drove himself to the nearby doctor’s office and was then admitted to a local hospital.

To quote Howard Shelly: “I’m the sort of guy who, when I make up my mind to do something, wants it done there and then. … The worst bit was steeling myself for the first cut. The whole thing took six minutes. It was agony, but I knew I couldn’t stop.”

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Every year more than 15,000 fans descend on Rock Creek Lodge, just outside of Clinton, Montana, for Testy Festy, the world’s largest testicle festival.

Over the course of the five day event, the festival serves over two tons of bull balls to the hungry attendees. Which helps support its “I had a ball at the Testicle Festival” motto, which is plastered over shirts, hats and other items of all kinds.
click this text for full-size poster

Find a babysitter for the kids, because the rules here are “No kids, hassles or brought-in beverages.” Everyone must be over 21 years old, and you can expect to see some partially nude and some naked partyers at the bars, on the streets and at the bull-chip throwing contest, the wet t-shirt or hairy chest competitions, and even the bull-shit bingo.

By the way, while you’re in Montana, you can also check out the Fromberg Festival of Testicles near Billings, the Mission Mountain Testicle Festival in Branding Iron, the Ryegate Testicle Festival some 60 miles from Billings, and the York Bar’s Go Nuts Festival in York, Montana.

Testy Festy XXV website

After surviving the Air Force, 47 year-old Benjamin Houghton developed cancer in his left testicle. He went into the veterans hospital in Los Angeles to have the testicle removed because it was atrophied and painful.

Unfortunately, the VA hospital doctors didn’t have the sense to mark a big “X” on the left testicle. So instead of removing his cancerous, atrophied and painful left testicle, they cut off his perfectly healthy right testicle.

“At first I thought it was a joke,” Houghton said.

The chief of staff for the Greater Los Angeles VA system has apologized and said that the hospital changed practices as a result of the case.

Yeah, you read that right. They’ve changed practices at the hospital. That must mean that they will no longer cut off the wrong 1 of 2 testicles. And I guess that means that Ben could safely rely on them to remove his only remaining testicle without botching the job again. So far though, he’s hanging on to his last ball, painful or not.

Be very careful out at the parties this holiday season. The wrong comment or suggestive gesture could cost you your testicles. We’re not sure exactly what provoked Rebecca Dawson to attack Kevin Ross this week during a Christmas party. But we do know that both of them were very drunk and we know that she’s been charged with malicious castration after attacking his genitals with her hands.

Malicious castration includes attempting to cut off, maim or disfigure someone’s genitals with the intent to hurt or render the victim impotent. North Carolina police said Rebecca only used her hands but Kevin still needed more than 50 stitches to repair the damage she caused.

We warn you to be careful because while Rebecca was arrested and jailed, she posted bond and was released the next day. The picture we found of Rebecca just wasn’t something we wanted to show here. We’ll just leave it at that, but if you need to see her you can click here.

Note: The photo above is an antique vase showing Aphrodite being born from the white foam which spread around Uranus’ genitals. Uranus was the first ruler of the universe, and reigned until his son Cronos, revolting against his rule, castrated him. I liked the photo much more than Rebecca’s pic.

Dancing and singing eunuchs are knocking on doors in an Indian city in an attempt to embarrass merchants into paying their taxes. And the new shock strategy, in which sari-clad and heavily made up eunuchs accompany officials on their rounds of crowded shopping areas in a country notorious for tax evasion and non-payment, has been declared a success.

The boisterous eunuchs loudly demand that mortified shopkeepers pay up — to the bemusement of scores of onlookers. Those unwilling to pay faced lewd dances, lifted saris, and abuse. “Some paid in cash, while others quickly wrote checks. The shock therapy, which we plan to use sparingly, was a grand success,” said Atul Prasad, a top official in the area where the tactic is being used.

“People may be afraid of them, but they are very much part of society and are useful,” Prasad said, adding that authorities would pay the eunuchs a four percent commission on the total tax collected.

Eunuchs are still common in India, where they live in closed-knit communities. Some are castrated men but others are transsexuals and hermaphrodites who have been ostracized by their families. Also known as hijras, they are widely feared and move around towns and cities in groups and demand money on occasions such as marriage or the birth of a child. They are believed to have occult powers.

Sometimes that nudist stuff can come back to bite ya…and right in the balls at times! It seems that Mario Visnjic went swimming naked at Valalta beach and then sat in the sun on a deckchair with wooden slats. If you know about “shrinkage” you may be able to guess what happened next. For those who never watched Seinfeld, poor Mario’s balls shrunk from the cool sea water and they slipped between the wooden slats of the chair. Then the sun warmed him up and his testicles grew back to their usual size.

It must have been funny to hear the guy call beach maintenance services on his cellphone. But it would have been hillarious to watch the guy they sent out cut the deck chair in half to get Mario’s balls free. I really wish we had at least a picture, if not a video, to go with this one.

“Hey… careful with that power saw!”

Howard is a Philadelphia man whose wife allegedly tore off two parts of his genitalia with her bare hands. Howard says his wife, who is bi-polar, thought he was cheating on her. So while he was asleep, she attacked him.

“I mean she just grabbed me all down there and yanking and yanking and tearing me up with those fingernails.”

I’m not really sorry to say that we don’t have any video to go with this one, but you can read the testicle tearing wife story here.