the xlog : x-rated weblog

Just a week after a naked, elderly tourist freely strolled down Brattleboro’s main street, Vermont’s infamous naked town is under orders to keep its pants on.

On Tuesday, by a margin of just 3 votes to 2, town officials passed an emergency rule which bans nudity on the main roads and within 250 feet of any school or place of worship, among other places. The ordinance defines nudity as the showing of genitalia, buttocks or female breasts; a provision allows breast-feeding in public. Naked violators will be fined face a $100.

Tiny Brattleboro has long been a live-and-let-live kind of place where skinny dipping was a rite of summer. Last summer, though, it began flirting with a nudity ban after a group of teens took to hanging around a downtown parking lot in the buff. Officials decided then to let winter take care of the problem and never voted.

It took an elderly man wearing only a fanny pack and wandering through the center of town last week for the Select Board to decide it had seen enough. The nudists and their fans still get a say in the matter: Next month, Brattleboro will hold a public hearing on whether the ordinance should be made permanent.

If you haven’t heard about the SantaCon events, you may want to check out the official site to see what happens near you. From our sources, the basic idea is that about 100 people dress up in Santa costumes and then go from bar to bar and get as drunk as they can. Once everyone is pretty well smashed, the Santa mob “besieges local shops, hassles tourists, and sticks their tongues down each other’s throats.”

These events happen in about 50 cities around the country and the world. This year we got one report that the Mounties in Canada were called after a rowdy gang of 100 tipsy Santas caused mayhem at the Metrotown Mal, near Vancouver.

Evidently the Santas were carrying a gasoline container full of what was described as ‘a pungent mix of holiday cheer’. You can see some photos of the Vancouver group here.

There’s also a long blog entry with lots of photos of the San Francisco event from a few years ago here.

The Cheap Suit Santas use a variety of altered Xmas Carols which they bellow loudly to annoy one and all. Favorites include Cannabis is Coming to Town, Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire, Deck My Balls, Frosty the Cokehead, Huff the Nitrous Angels Sing, Oh Come All Ye Perverts, and Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear. You can read the lyrics for these and others here and here.

We hope your holidays have been fun too!

The photo to the right shows Melissa Midwest, the popular Internet star, holding her citation for public nudity. Last week she was sentenced to six months probation and 50 hours of community service for her conviction on that charge. She was facing up to eight months in jail or a $500 fine. (click photo to see larger version)

Melissa got her public nudity citation after hosting a wet T-shirt contest at Cheerleaders bar. While public nudity is illegal in her hometown of Lincoln, NE, Melissa claims she was wearing opaque pink latex paint over her nipples, creating a de facto ‘pastie’ in accordance with the law, which requires that the areola and nipple be covered.

This is only Melissa’s her latest run in with law enforcement. Her first trouble was three years ago when she posted topless photos of herself on her website. Authorities charged her with the same offense — public indecency. The case got attention from CNN, USA Today and NBC’s “Tonight Show.”

In this latest case, the police officers didn’t agree about the pink latex paint and charged Melissa with violating the city’s public decency ordinance at her home the next day. According to Melissa, because she’s well known, the local police follow her to events and station undercover officers inside to spot any decency violations.

A camera crew filmed the event for the Melissa Midwest website, so the tape can be used to appeal based on it showing that her nipples were obscured. It was even reported that a police officer at the event said, “Her nipple looks covered to me.”

(click to read more…)