the xlog : x-rated weblog

Just a week after a naked, elderly tourist freely strolled down Brattleboro’s main street, Vermont’s infamous naked town is under orders to keep its pants on.

On Tuesday, by a margin of just 3 votes to 2, town officials passed an emergency rule which bans nudity on the main roads and within 250 feet of any school or place of worship, among other places. The ordinance defines nudity as the showing of genitalia, buttocks or female breasts; a provision allows breast-feeding in public. Naked violators will be fined face a $100.

Tiny Brattleboro has long been a live-and-let-live kind of place where skinny dipping was a rite of summer. Last summer, though, it began flirting with a nudity ban after a group of teens took to hanging around a downtown parking lot in the buff. Officials decided then to let winter take care of the problem and never voted.

It took an elderly man wearing only a fanny pack and wandering through the center of town last week for the Select Board to decide it had seen enough. The nudists and their fans still get a say in the matter: Next month, Brattleboro will hold a public hearing on whether the ordinance should be made permanent.

Sometimes that nudist stuff can come back to bite ya…and right in the balls at times! It seems that Mario Visnjic went swimming naked at Valalta beach and then sat in the sun on a deckchair with wooden slats. If you know about “shrinkage” you may be able to guess what happened next. For those who never watched Seinfeld, poor Mario’s balls shrunk from the cool sea water and they slipped between the wooden slats of the chair. Then the sun warmed him up and his testicles grew back to their usual size.

It must have been funny to hear the guy call beach maintenance services on his cellphone. But it would have been hillarious to watch the guy they sent out cut the deck chair in half to get Mario’s balls free. I really wish we had at least a picture, if not a video, to go with this one.

“Hey… careful with that power saw!”